


Here she comes, Mrs America

by JaqofSpades



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, tumblr ficlets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-26 17:23:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaqofSpades/pseuds/JaqofSpades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delivery for the honeymoon suite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here she comes, Mrs America

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theladyscribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyscribe/gifts).



> I like to invite my followers to prompt me for ficlets. Theladyscribe chose Steve/Darcy, fake married or accidental dating, and this resulted ...

“Mrs … America?” The previously soignee concierge flushed scarlet as she carefully avoided glancing towards the rumpled bed.

“What?” Darcy generally saved her bitchface for people who really deserved it (like Coulsen.) But they were newlyweds for Chrissake. Now was not the time to knock.

She’d barely had time to pull off her nun-like pajamas and throw on a robe to assume the appropriately ravished appearance.

“Um … there’s been a gift basket arrive for you. Congratulations again!”

Darcy staggered under the weight of the box that was thrust into her arms, and her ever-chivalrous husband bounded up from the bed in an attempt to catch her. The concierge gulped, her eyes the size of saucers, and Captain America yelped, diving for a towel to shield himself. Darcy, meanwhile, landed on her ass at the woman’s feet, the contents of the gift basket raining down around her.

Champagne. Condoms. Edible oils. His and hers sex toys, real ones in glowing jelly colours, and a replica set in Belgian chocolate. Even chocolate body paint.

“Dead. He’s fucking dead,” Darcy growled, her annoyance with the whole ridiculous setup approaching boiling point. As if she’d choose to spend more than a minute alone with a single note, cardboard cutout, overly earnest Boy Scout older than her Grandpa. As if she’d marry a guy who’d probably want her to do his laundry and learn to cook.

And that was the moment Rogers chose to laugh, a single strangled noise that gave way to belly laughs that could be nothing but sheer mockery. Darcy groped blindly for the first thing to hand, and flung it at him. The chocolate dildo hit him square in the middle of that too-perfect chest.

The concierge gasped and backpedalled her way out of the room, but Darcy didn’t spare her a glance.

America’s poster boy had scooped up the toy and was unwrapping it with relish. “Mmm. Cock,” he purred, swirling his tongue over the chocolate then taking a giant bite.

She might have fallen over if she hadn’t already been on the ground.

“You okay there, Agent Lewis?”

She blushed furiously as she pushed herself back to her feet, and prayed he couldn’t see the way her knees were shaking.

“Bloody Coulsen. We’re undercover as newlyweds, not sex-starved animals.”

“Maybe he thinks the blackmailer will get greedy when he hears Captain America and his blushing bride have something to hide.”

“Sex toys aren’t exactly a hanging offence these days, buster.”

His face tightened as if he was done humouring her. Darcy stiffened as he stalked over, the tiny towel already beginning to slip from his hips.

“Wasn’t a big deal when I was your age either, Missy. Want me to prove it to you?”

“No!” That’s what she hoped she said, anyway. She didn’t like him that way. At all.

“Tell me, Agent Lewis. What have I done to piss you off? You can barely look at me, you criticise my ideas, you make jokes about my uniform …”

He sounded so dispirited that Darcy looked up in concern. Straight into cerulean blue eyes that held her own for a long moment, then deliberately dropped to the swell of her breasts, three-quarters liberated from the loosely belted robe she was wearing.

She found herself pushing backwards into the door, babbling a string of words that she suspected made no sense. None of them, though, could have been “stop”, or “no”, because he moved in closer, bracing himself over her on one outstretched arm. She had to remind herself to breathe as his scent washed over her.

“Darcy?”

“I like you fine! I just can’t be married to you,” she wailed. “With all the proximity, and the sleeping in the same bed, and the partial-nudity …” Her complaint dissolved into a moan as his lips finally landed on her body, nibbling their way along her hairline and around to her ear.

“Wanna try not sleeping, and full nudity?” he asked, and she refused to give herself time to think.

“God yes,”she rejoiced, tilting her head back to slide her tongue up the centre line of his body. By the time their mouths met, they were both frantic, lips and tongues and roving hands exposing the motive behind her snarky digs, and his relentlessly stiff upper lip.

He was kissing his way from one pink-tipped breast to the other when she was struck by a horrible realisation.

“No! No, no, no, no, no!”

He pulled her into his arms, shielding her with his body as he scanned the room in search of the threat. “What? What’s the matter?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. Just - this is another one of my dreams. I usually wake up pretty soon after this,” she explained, trailing a finger down his spine while she still could.

Rogers shrugged and scooped her into his arms. “Well, if that’s going to happen – we should probably be in bed.”

Darcy couldn’t see a single fault in his logic, and if he was gonna pinch her like that, well. She was best off on her back.

Until she wasn’t. Until she was sitting atop him, fuller than she had ever been, coming harder than she ever had.

A full jar of chocolate body paint, half an edible dildo and three orgasms later, she was basking in sheer ridiculousness of it when he laced their hands together and pulled them over his heart.

“Darcy?”

“Mmmm?”

“Coulsen didn’t send the basket.”

She sat up to glare at him, but soon discovered glaring at him led to looking at him, which led to kissing him. Forgiveness came quickly, after that. And when his apology involved an intriguing experiment with the little silver bullet, well. So did she.

Maybe she would call Coulsen tomorrow and get him to extend the mission over the weekend. There was still a magnum of Bollinger begging for her attention, and if she remembers rightly, the bottle had been sitting in a nest of silken cords.

Darcy smirked.

Mrs America has a number of loose ends she needs to tie up before she’s willing to surrender this gig.

_fin_

Disclaimer: This fanfiction was written for personal enjoyment rather than profit. No infringement on the rights of the intellectual property owners is intended.


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